Nursing. Motherhood. Sister. Friend.
Promise me you won't forget me, because I would have never left your side. I never would have left your side, Aunt Jean, but I knew as you did, it was time. I would have never let go, Gram, but you were gone...so...I remind myself that you are always here when I have a most horrible day. I miss you, Grandma Berg, and Uncle Bobby. I loved you both. Papa was the best Irishman I ever was lucky enough to meet...and we all miss you, your big family misses you. Death is something that I have come to know in my lifetime, as I know everyone does. It never makes sense, it never lets us prepare, and it never is...well, it just never does anything but suck.
I miss the family that has passed every.single.day.
I'm worn today. Exhausted. Mentally and physically. Don't feel bad for myself, in fact, I really wish that I could be braver, be stronger, be better, be something besides worn and tired. But as I feel this, I am able to put forth one foot in front of the other, and do the best I can to take care of those that I love.
This extends beyond family here. I'm a nurse. Always wanted to be one, always wanted to help people. I can do that at my job. Where, though, do you put the worry? Where do you put the "I have to go home tonight and help the kiddos out" because while at work I got 6 texts and a face time. I don't want to be a shitty Mom to my kids, because I never remember my Mom not being there to console my every last emotion...but I am a nurse and I take care of some very special people who are my "family" too.
Thank goodness my girls know the guys I take care of and share the same compassion I do for them. I came home tonight with my foot nearing its end and my girls all 3 asked how they were, and the little one pipes up that she will say extra prayers for all of them. Bless her heart.
When I leave work, I tell them all goodbye. Its a different kind of care. A different kind of nursing. Those that work with me are kick ass. We make a good team. Tonight I said goodnight. NOT goodbye. To all of them. There is not one night that my family, my children, and the guys I work with aren't in my prayers.
I am a Mother who tries to do the best I can for my girls.
I am a nurse who cares so very much for the guys I work with.
I am a sister who misses her sister and brother more than they will ever know.
I am a friend who will back you up, be loyal, and always tell you what I think.
So, "Promise you'll never forget me, because if I thought you would, I'd never leave." ~ Pooh Bear.
