Tuesday, October 23, 2012

The Mad Hatter's Tea

 
 
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Drink some tea with the Mad Hatter.

Oh, how would I love to drink some tea with the Mad Hatter. I know he's prolly batshit crazy , therefore we would get along just great...not to mention, I know he'd have it spiked with some alcohol that I would appreciate very much.  Wonderland would surely be a better somewhere than here for a change.  Anyone who knows me knows that Disney World is a much better somewhere than here for me...but it is what it is for now.  Something to look forward to for some other time.  Funny how lately the weather has been such that all of us have noticed in the mornings that "it smells like Disney."  This is the time of the year where we usually plan our annual trip.  This year we are banking points in the hopes that next year we all go together.  (Yes, Grammie, this means you and Grampie, and Bergs, too.)

Still feel blessed to have everyone praying and pulling for me and for our family.  Mom and I have spent many days together and not yet killed one another.  Lots of days of almost wetting our pants....but hasn't happened yet...thank god.  I can explain a stroke, and so can she, but wet pants...not so much.  Matt has had several come to Jesus meetings with the girls.  Some have been successful, and others have not.  I am doing 2 hours or more of physical therapy and occupational therapy three times a week and doing at home exercises.
This is how we sit today....grip strength in left hand is unchanged since stroke on all tests and worse on a couple of the tests.  *dammit dammit dammit* So, she said that they will continue to work with me until I go to Mayo and see what they have to say and go from there.  I "should be" making progress....but I am not.  Physical therapy I am doing well minus the left foot.  The foot still has no muscle control, and will not pick itself up.  Therefore, I have to wear the AFO...(Artificial foot orthotic) all the time to help me walk.  I go to Mayo on November 1st.  They will do tests on me then.  Left leg is still weak.  I am still having numbness and tingling on the left side of my body from the neck down to my toes usually when its time to take my muscle relaxer.  It's an icky feeling like my whole side is asleep and buzzing.  YUCK.  Headaches are coming back on the new medicine.  Not as bad as they were, but woah they are there again, and I don't enjoy that so much at all.  Also, I would like to reccomend that if you are constipated, that you refrain from taking Senna-S before a Physical Therapy appointment.  I didn't think that one single fart that I had in me could be a trusted fart.  Therefore, I missed most of the therapy that day, and saw much of the bathroom.  On a lighter note, I am much less bloated.  That is all on that subject. Well, and I find it funny that the machines in the PT area are named TROTTER.  Because I had the TROTS.

Each day is new.  Each day there is another reason I am thankful that things didn't turn out worse than they did.  Each day something shows me that things are not as bad as they seem, or as bad as I tend to make them out to be in my own world.  Each day something makes me laugh, something makes me smile, and something usually makes me cry, or just be quieted.  I go to bed at night and the kids "tuck me in" and so does Matt.  Coconut jumps up into bed with me until I am asleep upstairs in Regan's bed close to the bathroom and when Matt goes to bed, he comes to carry Coconut to bed with him and Regan.  (Regan has been pretty shook up about everything....poor kiddo)....but always so willing to help me out.  I close my eyes and I talk to God.  Most nights this overlaps Kailey praying outloud, or singing her songs before bed, so I am still and I listen.  Its usually the same each night.  Her song is "And He will know we are Christians by our love, by our love, and He'll know we are Christians by our love."  ~she sings the whole song.  I close my eyes and thank God I am home, warm, loved, and healthy.  I thank God for what I have and who I have in my life. 

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 I love the Mad Hatter.  :)
 


Monday, October 15, 2012

I'm just not myself

Out of sorts, maybe. Just not me. Not finding where this new person fits. Not sure I like it at all. I don't like going to bed at 8:30. I miss staying up and talking to my friends, my sister, my cousins.
I don't like having the constant buzzing and tingling in my left side. It sucks. I really don't like the AFO that I have to put on so I can walk. I wish I could chuck the walker. The cane I can use in the house so I guess that's good as long as the AFO is on...but when does the AFO get to come off!?! New headache medicine is working better but if I forget to take it by hour 5 then the migraine starts again and I have to play catch up. That's something I must set an alarm for I guess. Am I gonna be on these forever?
I guess that's what Mayo is for? November 1st. So I miss Halloween night with the girls. I am sad about that. Mom and I will go up the night before and have my appointment on on the first. I may not find out anything. But, it's worth a shot. Grip tests at physical therapy are 70 on right hand and 30 on left, so unchanged from admission to physical therapy. :(
Still using electrical stimulation for my leg to get my foot muscles to fire to pick up my foot so it does not drag without the brace, but it still does.
I am hoping to get back to work part time in the next couple of weeks, and I am pretty stressed about that. The days I have now with physical therapy or running errands with my Mom wear me out. It could be interesting to say the least.
I'm feeling a little like Eeyore right now. Feeling a little on the gloomy side and I've decided it's ok to be here. Sometimes life isn't always ok. Sometimes we need life to be not ok and to just be there for awhile to figure out where we need to go and how to get there. Eventually we figure it out. <3



Thursday, October 4, 2012

Tailgaiting and Family

It was the first weekend my brother and his family had been home since the moved to Milwaukee 2 years ago. It was the best 6 faces I have seen in a long time at Mom and Dads. We all belong here.
Right. Here.
Hearing I love you come out of everyone's mouths and Brennan rushing to the side of the car with Cece to help with Max by their side to grab my walker- well, yep- I teared up. They are awesome.
Cousin Tom was here and wife Robbin, Erica, her husband and her daughter Bella were here too. We gathered together, we laughed about old time, we remembered Aunt Jean, created new memories, and it was good. It wasn't long enough, but it was good. Never waste an opportunity to tell someone you love them. I think this weekend we said it more than we ever have. Maybe it was because of the stroke and we forgot all the stupid shit we often let get in the way of an I love you- nonetheless, I liked it. I miss them all already. A lot.


"Some people care too much, I think it's called love." - Winnie the Pooh