Day 132

Absolutely.

Grateful for lines.

The line is drawn in the sand.  What does that mean to you?  What does it mean to me?
A middle child, one who was and is a constant pusher...it means....CROSS IT.
When you are my age, nothing changes from when I was little.  Still in the middle.  Still a button pusher.  Still a line crosser.  Still someone who feels more than most...and internalizes more than most, too.
I can sit here and tell myself that one day, my girls will be mothers, feeling the same way.  I may be 37, but I still feel like I am 16.  Just an older, fatter me.
Not sure I like who I am, but then again, I never have liked who I was/am.
Funny how I could have thought back in the day that I was fat.
hm.
Wtf.
Another thing I am especially good at is drawing the WORST possible conclusion to any situation.
That's what I do.
I do it well.





I stand here today.  On the line.  How much more can I do.  How much more can I take?
How much more can I push myself to do what I need to do to get where I need to be?
How much further across the line can I go?
It is all up to me.
To cross that line, to walk along it carefully, or to teeter back and forth until I decide what the best side is.
Maybe it's a little of both sides, and I just never get off my "line."
Whatever the plan, I trust that there is a bigger reason for all of the doubt...all of the indecisiveness.
Somehow, it will all be just fine.
Because...I determine and DEFINE...my line.